Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
