broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
