uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
You were trust falling into bushes
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
