I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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