i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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