I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
