Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
