I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Randomize
