He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
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