This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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