Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
why didn't you poke me back
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
