didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
