Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
