apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
