I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
