He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
