So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
