rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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