Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
