he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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