the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
