i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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