my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
