I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
