check it out our google latitudes are spooning
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
