But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Quick, to the slutcave!
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I'm at about main and main street
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
