Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
