i'm signing you up for texting rehab
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
