oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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