Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Randomize
