Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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