Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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