My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
