you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
