i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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