just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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