I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Randomize
