haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Sober January is a disaster.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Randomize
