The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
