I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
