I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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