3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
