I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
