we have officially lost it.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
This show inspires me to have sex in space
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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