im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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