Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
