I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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