You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
