My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
