She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Randomize
