My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
You ruined the universe
Randomize
