He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
