Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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